I feel fat, lazy...

...and heavy. And I don't like it one bit. I was doing so well until July this year, and it was from my trip home to the Pacific that everything started going downhill. I stopped eating healthy foods and in moderation. I stopped exercising. I just let go of all the good things, that took me years to get down.

It's so annoying how a couple of months of bad eating and no exercise can really affect you!!! My arms are bigger and flabbier, so's my tummy. My cheeks have blown up and lawd don't get me started on my thunder thighs! I feel the fitness I got through rugby touch and running is gone. Poof! And I don't have as much energy as before. What else? My clothes are getting a bit too snug and I can feel it when I walk around that I'm just not as fit as before.

Shit. It sucks.

Since July, I've tried to get back on board the healthy living bandwagon but with no luck. I keep missing it and falling flat on my face. Drinking. Eating junk food. Lazing around. Having massive portions, sometimes twice or three times at a time. Stuffing myself silly. I've even tried recording everything I eat and well, I'm pretty good at it except I'm not analyzing and learning what to eat and what not to eat but still continuing on with the crap.

Again, this sucks!

*breathe in* What started this rant was a comment my cousin said to me tonight (he's here on usiness from Australia) ...he said "I thought I'd come over and find you slimmer but you seem to have put on weight! Or was it that picture that made you look slimmer?" (in reference to a picture he saw of me in July) He said it in passing (the bugger) but it scared the crap outta me.

I gotta do something but I dunno what! I dunno how to stop eating such bad foods, Im scared to start exercising again because of my knee (and no I can't swim... I hate swimming pools!) which I hurt playing touch rugby.

Someone help me out of this rut!!!!!! I can't continue like this... it feels so awful!!!!!!!!!!!

*sighs*