Since I was a little girl...

... I've always had this (sometimes unhealthy) fear that I would hurt someone, offend them or cause someone to hate me. And so throughout my childhood and adolescence I did or said things to try and please everyone. It wasn't that I wanted people to like me (lol, that's not very hard to do...) but I just never wanted my actions or words to cause harm, hurt or hatred. It was so bad that I was always told by my best mates in Fiji to stop saying sorry... and in turn, I would say sorry for saying sorry! (Sorry!:P)

Then I grew up and realized that I couldn't please everyone. I found a balance in being true to what my values and beliefs were but also being respectful to others and always making sure that my actions and words projected my good intentions, even if they didn't agree with others' opinions etc. And to try and make sure that i refrained from being negative, bitter or all that crap that seeps into people's hearts and eats them up...

And in the last month I think I lost sight of that because I've said some really mean and unnecessary stuff about people. I've gossiped about people. I've badmouthed others. Why I did this, I dunno - maybe out of jealousy, envy or something just as bad... but it hit me this morning that all that crap, went totally against my faith and what i was taught and so I've been walking around with this bad taste in my mouth...

So what next? Well, as always... after much reflection, I think it's just a matter of picking myself up and getting back on that POSITIVE bandwagon. I will try and make amends where I can aka groveling and apologizing but yeah, in the end it's about always being AWARE of your words and actions...

Sorry...